Swappin' Spit
by Broken Oken
Summary: There's gotta be a way to get rid of Oliver's gum phobia. MileyOliver oneshot.


Random Moliver oneshot. Got the idea today and just had to write it. I wanted to write something that had to do with Independence Day… but everything I wrote with that theme was rubbish. But luckily this idea popped up. And it has nothing to do with the Fourth of July. Woooo.

Hope you guys enjoy it. It's crappily written in my opinion. Prolly cause I wrote it in forty-two minutes exactly. Go me.

_Disclaimer_: I don't own HM. I own period. Paha. I'm lame. Sorry.

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**Swappin' Spit  
**by Broken Oken

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Honestly, I cannot believe her. She is doing this on purpose!!

Let me set the scene for you. It should be in some kind of horror movie or something, that's how horrifying it is.

Miley Stewart, you probably know her better as her alter ego, Hannah Montana, is sitting here across from me, chewing on a piece of GUM!! in front of me.

AHHHHHHHHHH.

I know, I know, I should be hiding. This is point-blank terrifying. But unfortunately every time I cover my eyes, she removes my hands from my face and makes me WATCH her chew. It's a FREAK SHOW. How can she expect me to HANDLE this?

"You've got to get over this stupid fear of yours," she is telling me.

Oh, yes, Miley, like it is just that simple.

ARE YOU _KIDDING_ ME?! I want to, like, grab a time machine and spit gum on her face when she was like, one. See how she likes it!!

"This is so wrong!" I say, re-hiding my eyes. "I can't take it!"

As I expected, her hands pry mine off my face. I shut my eyes this time.

"Oliver," she says sternly. "You can do this."

"NO I CAN'T!" I shout.

"Yes you can! It's just GUM!"

I open one eye, and she blows and pops a bubble. OH MY GOD. Re-shutting my eyes NOW.

"When is Lilly coming back?" I mutter.

"That's not important. What _is_, however, is that you're scared of a piece of BUBBLE GUM. Have you ever even _had_ a piece before?"

I shake my head.

I think I heard Miley like, choke. Serves her right!!

"_Honestly?_" she asks like I am stupid for not putting a disgusting piece of evil into my mouth. "Do… do you live in a cave?!"

"YES! A perfectly civilized cave with non-chewing cavemen!"

"You are such a donut."

_Chew, chew, pop_. I am cringing, if you haven't guessed.

"Maybe if you try a piece you'll realize how stupid you're being."

"I will never put that in my mouth. _Ever_."

I courageously open my eyes again, and she was staring at me, almost angrily, yet determinedly at the same time.

"Never say never!" she proclaims and suddenly PULLS THE PIECE OF PINK SUBSTANCE OUT OF HER MOUTH AND JAMS IT AT MINE.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I can't scream because if I do, she'll put it in there. OH MY GOD. I can taste it against my lips. Oh my God. It's wet. I'm going to HURL. But that also means I'd have to open my mouth, which is sooo not going to happen.

"CHEW IT!" Miley yells.

"Mmm!" I reply, shaking my head and pressing my lips tighter together as she pushes harder against them. God, she looks scary right now. _Terrifying_ even with that GUM in her hand.

"CHEW IT!" screams the gum monster. "CHEW IT AND LIKE IT!"

"NO—"

…I didn't mean to open my mouth at all. I just couldn't help it, I was too scared.

And in comes this _wet glob of disgusting_. I was going to spit it back out when Miley clamps my mouth down with her hands and orders in a frightening army sergeant voice, "CHEW!"

I shake my head, but Miley's pretty much on top of me in my chair, and she doesn't seem to be getting the hint to get off of me with my arms thrashing and pushing her away.

And finally I, for some reason, decide that if I chew it once, she will let me go. So… with all that is brave within me, I bite down. My teeth, like, slide into this slimy stuff that I guess is gum, and I cringe again.

I chomp down another time. And it's… _not that bad?_

My eyes open, and I stare back at Miley, inches away from my face, who seems to be on edge with waiting for my response.

"Well?" and that confirms it.

"It's… juicy."

She smiles. "Not bad?"

"I guess not," I say, and then add without thinking, "Your saliva tastes funny."

And almost immediately a loud thud comes from the side of us. I snap my head to see that someone's large bag of clothes had just been dropped on the floor.

"_What?"_ Lilly's voice squeaks.

I don't think Miley could've answered faster, "LILLY! He didn't mean it like that, he—"

She points at us. "_Riight_. Cause, you know, straddling Oliver in the mall, a.k.a. a public area, is totally normal Miley behavior."

I think I pushed Miley off of me.

I also think my face was redder than… Miley's at the moment.

She gets up off the floor really quickly, putting her hands up and starts approaching Lilly really slowly. "No, Lilly, it's—I—I just gave him a piece of gum that I was chewing, and—"

"Don't be ridiculous," Lilly interrupts. "Everyone knows Oliver has gum-phobia. Nice try."

I can't seem to talk or anything, I think my throat was clogged up… or something.

I glance at Miley, her face is still on fire, which doesn't help at all.

"It's okay, guys, no need to hide it. You make a lovely couple," Lilly remarks casually, and my eyes bulge, but before I could say anything, she adds in a loud voice, "On to Hot Topic!"

"But Lilly—"

"What?" Lilly blinks at Miley innocently. "You guys are totally cute and I'm totally okay with it."

I hack. So does Miley. Her face is redder than a tomato.

"_Excuse me_?" she asks incredulously. "We didn't even—"

"Swap spit?"

"No. I mean, well, yes, we did technically—"

"Well then, I don't see the point of arguing, dear Miley," Lilly says. "And the mall closes in like one hour, so let's get going already!"

The blonde marches off, leaving Miley and I standing there in disbelief. Well, actually, I was still sitting, but Miley wasn't. I look at her for an answer of what to do, and she looks back, a heavy blush still apparent in her cheeks.

Neither of us are saying anything, so I blurt, "So, does this mean you want it back?"

Instantly I am slapped for some reason, the gum flies out of my mouth, and Miley is storming off in the direction of Lilly.

"Hey! That wasn't very nice! You should be happy that I'm cured! C'mon! Don't be angry! Aghh… _MILEY!_"

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Sooo. I didn't know how to end it. I wanted the ending to be funnier, but whatever, this works for now. Reviews would be awesome. Hope everyone had a good Fourth!


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